A 9-year-old girl wrote to Santa Claus asking that a relative stop touching her and her sister. You can read the story on KSL. When will abusers get a clue and knock it off. You have to be a WIMP to abuse a child, or anyone for that matter! Also, in my opinion, anyone who knows someone who is being abused and does nothing, should be charged for the crime.
{This is my short story about my kids SA...}
When we found out that, 5 of our seven children, were being SA...we felt as low as a person can feel. Words cannot describe how horrible we felt. Our kids were supposed to trust us and be able to tell us everything. We were supposed to be their SAFE place. Unfortunately, our children felt like they would be making things worse if they did tell. And, they were told not to tell! People are sick!
I can remember the night our kids told us. It's a scare in my brain that will always be there. One by one, my kids came to me and told me of the things that were happening to them. When one child stopped talking another started. I remember sitting at our dining room table, listening, for what seemed to be hours. Trying to hold in the tears and reassure them that I would protect them and I would stop it! They told me of details, that only a sexually abused child would now. I used to call it a 'waterfall of horror', but that's to nice. When I thought they were done, one of my sons came to me and said, "I tried to tell you, mom"....after talking to him for a minute, I realized he had tried to tell me TWICE! I have never forgiven myself for this....I'm not sure I will or can.
After telling my husband, we decided to take care of the situation and PROTECT them. And that we have! The perp has no contact with them. This has caused problems in our family. Family get togethers aren't the same and it seems to be our fault. Oh, well! Not worried about what other people think. I only care about what is good for my kids. I want them to know they can trust us.
It's been years since this happened to my kids but the scares are there. It seems that the perp's go through the courts, rehab or whatever but the victims are forever changed.
KIDS WHO TELL, ARE HERO'S.....and SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE A HERO!
SIGNS, my kids had, OF SEXUAL ABUSE (you can find more here):
- mood swings
- bowels problems
- eating disorders
- temper tantrums
- self-hate
- touching themselves
- fear
- fear of the dark
- crying episodes
- anxiety
- weight gain
- weight lose
- separation anxiety
- aggressive behavior
- withdrawal
- mood swings
If you think your child is being SA, please...STOP IT and PROTECT THEM! Most of the time, a family member is the Abuser. Don't be afraid to stand up for your child, they need you to. You wouldn't want your child to write a letter to Santa, asking for help....!
9 comments:
Oh, Kristin, I am so sorry! How horrible! I have worked in social work for a long time, and it is one of the saddest things I have to deal with.
Oh my word.
Thank you for sharing this and wow.
My brother works for CPS and the stories he tells are horrific. He has nights where he comes home from work and he's just beat down physically and emotionally.
I am so sorry that this happened to your family, but good for you for taking a stand.
Oh my. Thank you for sharing your story. I don't know WHAT I would do but boy I'm telling ya... you might see me on the evening news if anyone lays a finger on my little man.
its so sad and i'm constantly scared of it happening to our kids, and i feel for your kids its awful, and theres no way you should feel bad about "messing up the family get togethers" your kids come first, i know mine do...happy holidays
Whoever the perp is - that's who screwed up the family get-togethers (long before you stopped the contact). I'm sorry your kids had to go through it, but thankful they have supportive parents to get them through it.
Kristin, I am so sorry that your children have had to endure this. I myself am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I do not consider myself a victim, but a SURVIVOR.
People do not understand why I am so protective of my son, but I do not think people realize how disturbed these abusers are.
Kristin, I am so sad to hear that your children had this happen. Just like Monkey's Momma above I too am a SURVIVOR and I certainly agree about no considering myself a victim.
I too came forward to tell when I was 7 after it happened since before I could remember and was told I was making it up. For years I think besides my sibilings (they werent abused luckily) and 2 other adult family memebers, noone believed me. It can be the person you least expect! My family told me point blank there is no way he would do that and most of them branded me a liar and disowned me for saying such a horrible thing!!! After all the courage to come forward that is the pain I had to go through.
As I got older and was around 13 years old I was in walking distance of a couselor and started going there on my own. It was the best decision I ever made but I shouldnt have had to wait that long to be heard!
When I was 14 I was having period problems and my mother took me to my first gyno visit. While examining me the doctor questioned if I was sexually active or if I was ever abused because I had scars and tears. My mother burst into tears. She knew at that point that I had told the truth all those years before. I finally was listened to. Before we could notify police he died of cancer. I guess justice was served after all.
Kids who come forward ARE HEROS!
I'm glad you didnt ignore your children's crys for help! For that you are a hero as well! <3Erin
Twitter: @erinjeany
ejsmomej[at]gmail[dot]com
http://ejsmomej.blogspot.com/
First I want to send a big virtual hug to you and your family. What a horrible thing to experience and good for all of you for the way you've handled it.
SA doesn't make any sense- they say its about control and not sex. Well what adult needs to use that for control with a child?
I think your brave children should be applauded for coming forward. They must've felt as though they were taking a risk. I think, as a mother, you handled it beautifully. The hardest thing to do must've been sitting and listening to the details of what someone did to your babies, but you let them open up to you about it.
I hope you and your family are able to heal as much as possible from this and someday hopefully someone will find a way to put a stop to this kind of epidemic.
Just as you said, the victims of sexual abuse are changed forever. Hopefully, they move from victim to survivor to thriver. To do that they often have to work hard facing the pain and not avoiding it and accepting they will never be the same again. The perps rarely change. They have all kinds of excuses for their behavior. They usually remain stuck in their selfishness and self centeredness. In the end, though, it is the victim who grows and thrives that becomes the better person. When it is all said and down survivors can face God without shame. The perps live in their self made hell who without repentance will never see God.
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